Voices (cont.)

�I haven't done anything outrageous that I can remember. I'm sure my friends would say otherwise.�

Sue, 46

Bipolar II Disorder, Rapid Cycler

�Lots of things�I regularly ran 85 to 110 mph in an overweight truck from one coast to the other. Had sex with any--repeat--any willing female. I drove 350 miles to get some wine cheddar cheese. As a teenager I jumped off of a 150 foot high sand dune and landed on the slope 100 feet below just for the thrill.�

Levi, 53

Ultraradian Cycling Bipolar Disorder NOS

�I think the craziest thing I ever did was order over one thousand books online. (I had to send them all back!)�

Linda, 43

Bipolar II Disorder

�I received a bonus of 15K. After taxes, it came to $11,104.38�I went to Atlantic City and, feeling pretty much invincible, walked over to a high stakes 7-card stud table.

I walked away from the table less than two hours later with only $34.38 in hand.�

Ted, 40

Bipolar Disorder, PTSD, OCD

�I became obsessed with death and dying. I was sure my Sissy was dying and I had to keep watch over her 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year or she would die. I literally had to be able to see her or I became frantic and out of control.�

Karen, 45

Bipolar Disorder, Alcohol/Drug Addiction

"Can I plead the

5th Amendment here?!"

Anthony, 40

Bipolar Affective Disorder,

with rapid cycling and mixed states

�Let's see... Random sexual escapades with foreign men, men with criminal tendencies, co-workers, run-of-the-mill brainiacs and hotties, or those in any other category that might happen to excite me or turn me on at the moment. Sexual acts considered a bit deviant (and liking them). Getting drunk and arrested in an airport. Charging thousands of dollars on credit cards with no funds to pay them off. The list goes on, but will end here with my number one response: Deciding to Get Married.�

Anonymous

�The craziest thing I have done while being manic was drinking for 72 hours straight, with no sleep. Let me tell you, the hangover after that was unbearable. I came down from that episode and slept for almost 24 hours. I got in lots of trouble with my friends while being drunk, starting fights at bars, driving my car, etc. But man was it fun!�

Katie, 23

Bipolar I Disorder

"One mania, I actually thought I was Jesus...That was an incredible feeling. It was very scary too, though, because I did things that I didn�t realize I was doing, like cursing at others and being arrogant�I wasn�t aware of my thoughts or actions.�

Chris, 31

Bipolar I Disorder

�I escaped from [the] hospital [and] sat in the town fountain, smoking a pipe singing songs. (I was picked up and returned to hospital, sadly.)�

Bernie, 46

Bipolar Disorder

What helps you cope with the depression?

�Don�t isolate. Do whatever you can to keep a positive attitude or outlook on things.�

Ted, 40

Bipolar Disorder, PTSD, OCD

�I am an alarm setter. [I] keep lists of things I need to do--3 lists: one on my nightstand, one on my fridge, and one in my car visor. I also make myself do certain things, like go to the gym at least 5 times a week; that really helps my mood. I also try not to eat junk food. I also give myself a time frame to finish certain things, [anything] from taking a shower to cleaning [the] kitchen��

Linda, 43

Bipolar II Disorder

�Even though it sounds stupid, [Sissy] making me take a shower was a terrific thing. You see, when you are so depressed that you can�t function, if you can drag yourself up and stand in the shower, it starts your engines. It makes you think about something other than depression for a moment. A moment can be a really long time when it starts you moving away from the bottom of the pits.�

Karen, 45

Bipolar Disorder, Alcohol/Drug Addiction

�Maintaining a good sleep schedule, taking meds religiously, keeping doctor and therapy appointments very regularly, paying close attention and keeping in check med effects as well as symptoms, understanding and sticking to (as well as possible) boundaries and limitations, not drinking alcohol and removing myself from some other risky situations/behaviors, maintaining good relationships in my family (at least trying to), viewing health more holistically, directing energy to work that is important to me, reading and learning about the illness, communicating with others in [bipolar] chat [rooms], and probably a few other things I haven't thought of yet have all been instrumental in recovering from a very bad illness. Also, having a supportive partner and taking breaks when I really need them, i.e, removing or distancing myself from a very stressful situation.�

�Buffy,� 29

Bipolar II Disorder, ADHD

�The number one thing that helps my depression is my dog�She is so affectionate and loves my attention. She doesn�t judge me or care what mood I�m in. The second thing that helps are friends. As much as I don�t wanna do anything when I�m depressed, them making me come over for a movie or go out to a bar with them helps my mood. The third thing is working out. It�s the last thing I wanna do when I�m depressed, and I often don�t do it, but when I do it helps to get out anger and hate and anything else.�

Katie, 23

Bipolar I Disorder

�Bottom line, my [psychiatrist] sees me for 15 minutes every other week; I have acquired no coping skills from him. I now work with a CBT[therapist] weekly; he has given me the tool of logic to look at my disease rationally and let go of the stigma I may have at any particular time�My [therapist] is also into Zen, a new idea to me personally. I've begun meditating, reading books; occasionally keep a thought journal�The thought journal has been the most effective tool I've found so far. I sit down, write down the "Issues", the "Automatic Thoughts", my evidence of these thoughts, then rationally look at them and disprove their existence with logic� I have the will power to get back into society now. It's invigorating!!

Sue, 46

Bipolar II Disorder, Rapid Cycler

What helps you cope with the (hypo)mania?

�Using my energy productively (i.e. cleaning, organizing), going on a walk, or just talking to a friend sort of keep me focused.�

Taylor, 21

Bipolar II Disorder

�Knowing my personal warning signs, getting sufficient sleep, not taking on too much in work or life, and drugs.�

Levi, 53

Ultraradian Cycling Bipolar Disorder NOS

�Trying to stay level headed, letting someone else handle my financial dealings.�

Kevin, 42

Bipolar II Disorder

�Turning my keys, credit cards and anything else that I can mess up with over to my sister. Keeping away from people as much as I can. Locking myself in my room where I can't hurt myself or anyone else.�

Karen, 45

Bipolar Disorder, Alcohol/Drug Addiction

�[W]hen I feel like going on a spending spree, I only allow myself to buy things we will use, like food, cleaning things, etc., and I clip coupons. I also stay away from expensive stores at the mall.�

Linda, 43

Bipolar II Disorder

The Struggle of a Significant Other

Cassel, 43

Wife of Individual With Bipolar I Disorder

"[It] was [a] time when our world suddenly crashed. Luckily for us, the story ends well, but the journey was tough and intense at times...[L]ooking back, I can see that many of my husband's problem behaviors developed gradually. Yes, if I had been aware of...bipolar disorder, I might have recognized those signs. [B]ut I was not, [so why]...make myself feel guilty for not having seen those things?...I wanted what was best for him, but had no idea what that was...My best strategy during the worst time was to dissociate the person--the man I loved very much--from the illness, from the language I was hearing and the actions I was seeing. No, it was not easy, but I knew him well enough to know when something was 'just not him'. I loved him before all this happened, I loved him during all [this] time, and I still love him just as much...[If someone you know has a mental illness,] get information, get involved, and find yourself a support system...You need it...[If] you take care of yourself in that way, you will be better able to support your loved one."

In what ways can family and friends support you through your recovery?

"By giving me space to be who I naturally am and not expecting me to be who they naturally are."

Anthony, 40

Bipolar Affective Disorder, with rapid cycling and mixed states

"They can just be supportive of me and encourage me to stay positive and focused. They can push me [to] be more social and get out more. Mainly, just be there for me when I need to talk...[L]ove unconditionally."

Chris, 31

Bipolar I Disorder

�Friends and family can help by being there for me and just talking to me. Talking about nothing is just fine. In fact, it�s better than talking about the problem. The problem is usually not a big issue, and I just need to get my mind off of it. Friends can help by making me get out of my house and spend time with other people. I may fight them on this, but in the end it helps a lot.�

Katie, 23

Bipolar I Disorder

�My best friend in the world lets me talk to her about all of this, offers to (and does) go to my doctor's appointments, goes to therapy with me, asks me how I am, but gives me space�[T]he biggest thing was probably that she got educated. She read books and went to support groups with me to try and better understand the disorder. I would say that educating your friends [and family] is the most helpful.�

Taylor, 21

Bipolar II Disorder

�My family and close friends�are wonderful, respectful, and supportive of me to an amazing degree! I can make plans with my friends, and should I not feel up to it that day, I always have the option to cancel the plans with no repercussions�They don't in any way add to the pressure of having this disease. They always have an ear for me to discuss what's currently �wrong� and let me know I am a valuable person and they love me regardless. We simply reschedule our plans for another time.�

Sue, 46

Bipolar II Disorder, Rapid Cycler

"Tomorrow"

Katie, 23

Bipolar I Disorder

There comes a time for everyone

to throw in the towel and say their done.

Tired of hoping and tired of trying,

when everything ends in tearful crying.

Life is not worth the pain we suffer,

when each day it just gets tougher.

So tomorrow�s my day, it�s finally here.

I can live this last day with a final cheer.

Because knowing when night falls,

my pure white angel is what calls.

I will go on to a better place.

I�ll be safe and not hide my face.

I can be the person that I wish

and run and sing and make a wish.

Away from my prison locked up tight.

Away from everything I try to fight.

Far from the people who are mean to me.

Far from the person I became to be.

Safe in my new world just like a dream,

DEATH�is what I soon will scream!

How do you fight to stay alive when

you're suicidal?

�I�had a near death experience. I had to fight to keep my life. Once you've fought for your life, you see things a lot differently. If I fought for this life, then why would I end it now?�

Karen, 45

Bipolar Disorder, Alcohol/Drug Addiction

�I call my [psychiatrist] immediately! Usually a modification of meds is sufficient. Sometimes he'll drop everything and have me come in to see him. I also have a quick fix with my dear friends on the bipolar chat line.

[T]hey are wonderful! I can also take Xanax to�ride it out until the feelings pass. I also find getting lost in a movie or TV show a wonderful distraction.�

Sue, 46

Bipolar II Disorder, Rapid Cycler

�The one and only reason I did not kill myself when I was extremely depressed is that I couldn't bear the thought of my mom being called by the authorities to say that I'd killed myself�I would have rather endured the pain I was going through with depression, than give the pain of a child's suicide to my parents.�

Taylor, 21

Bipolar II Disorder

"Suicide and I are old enemies. I�ve come back from a suicidal place and cycled into a more pleasant place so many times that I know I�ll cycle again and be of a different mind. Therefore my decision to kill myself isn�t valid enough at the time to act on it. I then keep rejecting the thought as invalid and ignorable.�

Levi, 53

Ultraradian Cycling Bipolar Disorder NOS